Friday, December 23, 2005

Xmas in Hell

Okay, I've done it again. Two days before Christmas and I've yet to buy anything. We got out of work at 2 to get some last minute shopping done. The mall is a mile from my job so I thought I could just swing by there on the way home. Hmm...To start with, lots and lots of traffic. Took me 30 minutes to get there. Got into a bit of road rage with a woman. I didn't want to pass through a green light because the cars were backed up and it would have caused gridlock. The woman behind me kept blaring her horn. I gave her the finger. Sorry, but she deserved it. I'm driving safely and thoughtfully(I would never intentionally cause gridlock) and this stupid selfish woman kept honking. After I gave her the finger she gives it right back! So of course I flipped her off again. I so wanted to block her in and not move my car. But it's just not worth it.

So I get to the Barnes & Noble to get the books Sera asked for. But, of course, they didn't have the whole set. I left and head for Target to get some other gifts. But traffic was just backed up too far. I thought "to hell with this" and took some backroads to get home. I'd go to Target later tonight. But the backroads were all backed up and it took another 30 minutes to get home. I spent 90 minutes in hell and got nothing. I'm going out in a few minutes to the Target to see if I can find anything Sera asked for. Or maybe I'll give in and go to Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart with immense passion. They're destroying the US. I eschew their stores at all costs. But I'm very tired right now and they're so close to home.

So isn't Christmas just wonderful? I know, I know. This is all my fault for waiting so long to go shopping. And I do this every year. You'd think one of these times I'd learn.

I can't decide if I should write "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays." You wouldn't think it should be such a big deal, right? Well get this: I work for the newspaper in Orlando. One of my tasks at work is handling Christmas donations to help underprivileged children get presents. The fund used to be called the Christmas campaign. But due to PC reasons it was changed to Holiday compaign(why someone in technology is doing this I still don't know). We've received several letters of complaint about this change, but one takes the cake. A woman wrote that she would not donate until we changed the name back. It MUST have the word "Christmas" in it--the only true Americans are Christians, and all Christians observe Christmas. She only buys presents from stores that say "Christmas" in their window. Can you believe that? So screw all the poor kiddies this year unless the name of the fund is changed. That's the holiday spirit!

At the risk of offending TRUE Christians I will wish everyone a Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hannuaka(you know, I'm actually Jewish and I still don't know how to spell that) and anything else you may follow.


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